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The IUD is in your uterus but the strings hang down into your vagina so you can check to confirm that the IUD is still in place.

So my doctor trimmed them a bit shorter. When I told him during my next appointment that my boyfriend could STILL feel the strings, he looked completely taken aback.

That's when I knew I was dealing with an EP enormous penis. So, years ago, I devoted my entire existence to sexual conquest.

It's pretty common, particularly for gay meth addicts, to just obsessively cycle through one hookup to the next, trying to stay high and get more sex.

As a general bottom with storied experience with the D, I figured that I was up for any challenge. I was a professional, so I thought.

I meet a fellow on Adam4Adam who claims to have a footlong penis. I think it's bullshit: I know that most penises online are around eight inches and in reality they're more like six.

So, I'm guessing that this guy is just exaggerating to try to rope in hungry bottoms. I figure, at best, he's nine inches and just exaggerating.

Male ego and all that. So I invite him over. You good? Something like that. He very clearly asked me if I could really take it.

I confidently invited him over. I got really high, and I was half expecting him not to show up based upon the fact that he was advertising something so ridiculously over-the-top.

He did, in fact, show up. He's scrawny, like 5'9", maybe pounds soaking wet. I'm like, Well, the proportion would make an average dick look huge anyway, so that probably helps him too.

He tells me to start sucking his dick. It flops out. It's incredibly large flaccid — like nearly actual inches. I'm ecstatic. It's clear that he's hung.

So, I'm working on this thing and it just gets bigger. And bigger. Finally, he's like, "Lemme get dat ass. He wasn't exaggerating.

The thing was a solid foot long, like as long as my ulna. Its thickness was proportionate too, meaning it was like a goddamned soda can almost, but not quite.

I tell him I need to ride it to get used to it; he agrees. So, there I am, straddling this scrawny guy with this humungous penis. I couldn't even get the head in.

Bear in mind that I'm high as balls on meth again, I'm in recovery. We tried for about 10 minutes. He started getting soft.

I felt incredibly demoralized. He gets ready to go, grumbling really nastily the entire time, calling me a punk, a bitch, etc.

It's clear that he was very frustrated and this was a common occurrence. I was sort of scared — not that he'd rape me or anything, but that he'd beat me up.

He left. I felt incredibly demoralized, like I failed at my one primary objective. I never heard from him again.

The more that I think about this, the more I think this poor guy, like, NEVER got to have intercourse because of how freakish and physically impossible it was.

Rather sad if you think about it. I slept with a guy with huge balls. The first or second time we slept together, he must have noticed me staring, because right away he was like, "Yup, those are some huge balls, aren't they?

Don't worry, though, it's cool. A newspaper snapped a photo of Bieber on vacation in Bora Bora. He was not wearing any clothing.

And let's just say that we now understand why it was so difficult for Selena Gomez to walk away from him. John Mayer. Dude is cocky. In more ways than one.

Everything is starting to make sense. Chris Brown. Jon Hamm. There are Tumblr pages dedicated to Jon Hamm's penis. He had to actually state for the record that he's sick of talking about it.

Ray J. Harry Styles. Don't take our word for it! Good friend Ed Sheeran confirms the size of Styles' package. Brandon Routh.

According to rumors, the bulge on Brandon Routh had to be digitally altered so it would not distract both Superman Returns viewers.

David Beckham. We're just using our eyes on this one. Have you seen those David Beckham underwear ads?!? Michael Fassbender. We all saw his junk in the movie Shame.

Prometheus co-star Charlize Theron even went so far as to say Fassbender's "penis was a revelation" and she is "available to work with it any time.

Shemar Moore. We are not posting any Shemar Moore naked photos here. But they exist online. And they back up this point.

Ben Affleck. And yes Ralph Fiennes. Ralph Fiennes is so large down there, he had to have several inches of his penis digitally removed for the movie Red Dragon.

Director Brett Ratner apparently deemed it so big that it would be distracting to viewers. Liam Neeson. Jay Z.

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After some weeks of keeping it PG, we went to his house Didn't think much of it or notice the size.

Some days later we tried again — he did get it up, but when he went to put it in, it was just…impossible.

It was as if it were my first time all over again. I remember thinking of that SATC episode where Samantha really tries to make it work but the guy is just too big.

We gave up. But now I was intrigued. So we gave it a third shot. After a party where we both drank way too much, we ran to his place.

He didn't have condoms so, as he told me later, he asked his friend for one as we were exiting the party. The borrowed condom turned out to be red.

We dated for a year. After I had my IUD put in, my boyfriend could feel the strings. The IUD is in your uterus but the strings hang down into your vagina so you can check to confirm that the IUD is still in place.

So my doctor trimmed them a bit shorter. When I told him during my next appointment that my boyfriend could STILL feel the strings, he looked completely taken aback.

That's when I knew I was dealing with an EP enormous penis. So, years ago, I devoted my entire existence to sexual conquest.

It's pretty common, particularly for gay meth addicts, to just obsessively cycle through one hookup to the next, trying to stay high and get more sex.

As a general bottom with storied experience with the D, I figured that I was up for any challenge. I was a professional, so I thought.

I meet a fellow on Adam4Adam who claims to have a footlong penis. I think it's bullshit: I know that most penises online are around eight inches and in reality they're more like six.

So, I'm guessing that this guy is just exaggerating to try to rope in hungry bottoms. I figure, at best, he's nine inches and just exaggerating.

Male ego and all that. So I invite him over. You good? Something like that. He very clearly asked me if I could really take it.

I confidently invited him over. I got really high, and I was half expecting him not to show up based upon the fact that he was advertising something so ridiculously over-the-top.

He did, in fact, show up. He's scrawny, like 5'9", maybe pounds soaking wet. In my 20s, I was like a kid in a candy store. Compare that number to how much you have to carry the burdens of it around, and the sexual ratio is quite the minority.

Take something as simple as riding a bike. I end up just sitting on the thing. If I want to go for a nice ride in the country, the pain distracts from the euphoria of the journey itself.

Using the restroom is an equally dicey proposition. As for other roadblocks in the bedroom, oral sex is often a nuisance.

For Jordan, the threat of these clumsy conversations looms heavy in his head. Recently, Jordan has instituted a 3-month, no-sex rule. I want a chick who wants to be with me for the right reasons.

While Jordan is looking for love, the newly unemployed Falcon is looking for work—but his manhood is getting in the way.

Falcon is a budding actor who wades through desk jobs to pay the bills. If I do porn, that's the end. Falcon has certainly been approached by producers, but he has rebuffed their offers every time.

And men are just dildos as far as porn companies are concerned. How many rich male porn stars do you know aside from Ron Jeremy?

Which ultimately begs the question: Does he wish he was smaller? I think so. Call it pecker perspective. For the record, the largest erect penis clocks in at more than 13 inches Another penis-vagina fit issue has to do with a woman's age.

In your 20s, 30s, and 40s, your estrogen levels are naturally high, which keeps vaginal tissue supple. That makes the vagina pretty expandable and less sensitive, says Dr.

But once you hit menopause, your body's estrogen output takes a dive. With less natural lubrication, an average or larger penis might have a tough time time fitting in without causing pain and friction for both the man and the woman.

It's also possible that just as some penises are on the small side, some vaginas might be, too. An exceptionally large penis, then, would be a mismatch for a small vagina.

Okay, what are you supposed to if your v isn't comfortably accommodating his p?

Big fat hairy penis

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